A.N.X.I.E.T.Y

You are a pain in the ass. Plain and simple. You do not care when you decide to grace me with your presence. You do not care how bad you make things feel. You don’t care that you take all of my happiness from me while you wear out your welcome. A racing heart, sweaty palms, shallow breath and a grief stricken face is all I have to show when you take over.

…..Lucky for me I know you are TEMPORARY. You are not a permanent visitor. You visit me and then move to the next person in this world that will struggle with the panic you bring. You do not discriminate when it comes to your victims. Here I sit, in my dream home, with my dream car and even dreamier fiance. {swoon} My job is the least stressful job I’ve had thus far, and yet you still come knocking on my door.

Maybe if we all talk more about you and take comfort in knowing that you won’t stick around, we wouldn’t be so scared. “THIS TOO SHALL PASS”, but dammit, it’s so hard to swallow until it actually does. I try everything to soften your blows from vitamins and exercise to essential oils and meditation. You know what I haven’t tried that I thought about long and hard today?

.SELF-LOVE.

I have struggled lately to remind myself of how beautiful, strong, and smart I am. You make me forget those things. Luckily for me, I had a moment of clarity today. One that made getting over you easier. One that forced myself to take a look at my surroundings, truly appreciate it all, and remember how I got here. Remember how smart I was to make great decisions. Remember how strong I am for digging myself out of a rut and blossoming into the person I am today. Remember how my giving heart made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world…and then it hit me. I AM strong. I AM smart and I AM beautiful. I truly remember the prayers I prayed, asking for the things I have now. I made it! I may not be rich, I may not drive a brand new car, and I may not physically be the most appealing person to everyone who looks my way, but DAMN! I AM HERE. and here is a very beautiful place to be. You don’t have to travel, go out drinking, or make it to every social event to live a happy life. Try sitting on your couch if you have nothing to do. Make yourself a cup of tea, put on Frank Sinatra and read a good book, make a great dinner, or hell, WRITE A BLOG!

Remind yourself today that your anxiety with ALWAYS be temporary. It WILL pass. Weather that storm. Remind yourself that you are strong, beautiful, and smart. You are a badass who can get through anything! This is no different than that 6 hour long tattoo you endured, or that baby you had! You can fight back with your thoughts. Use them wisely. Be kind to yourself. You may start to find that it’s a little easier to bear.

Friday Eve…I’ve been waiting for you

Well guys, I got through Monday, baking food for a bake sale, cross training in another position at work, having my car hit in a parking lot, and most of the rest of my work week.

Sound familiar? Your already packed week just got even more packed and a few wrenches were thrown into the mix. I used to tell myself that things happen for a reason. I finally figured out that there is NO reason things happen to you. It’s just life. Every.damn.day. You plan your day out and 9 times out of 10, it doesn’t go your way. I often wonder why I’m always so shocked and upset when it happens. I need help accepting that sometimes, life is full of wrenches, lemons, and rain. I don’t need to turn my lemons into lemonade or learn to dance in the rain. We don’t have to turn a stressful or shitty week into a good one by pretending it’s all rainbows and unicorns because it’s not. In between the wrenches, lemons, and rain are moments that we appreciate even more than we would have, had we not been shit on.

This week I helped raise money for the American Cancer Association, I learned something new, and I was lucky enough to get my hands on a ticket to California in September. Vacation, here I come!!! 🙂

I don’t know the full intent of my post here, but I want you all that are having a tough time getting through your week, to know that others are going through it too. Let’s all fill a tub, throw a lush bath bomb in there, and relax. You’re almost to the finish line.

Happy Friday Eve<3

Sundaze

I go to bed every Saturday night telling myself that I’ll be productive with my last day off before the work week starts again. Every Sunday, I wake up late and spend the morning eating breakfast in bed and searching through pinterest to find a new recipe to make for dinner. I then toy with the idea of running my errands and working out, but let’s get real here………it’s my day off! Who the hell wants to spend their days out of the office adulting? Not I.

So here I am, 11:50am, and still in my pjs. I keep staring out my window hoping the sun will come out because that’s the only way I’ll get up and actually do something with my day. I have to tell myself that it’s okay to have a lazy Sunday once in awhile. It’s sad I even have to remind myself to be okay with it. I am so busy during the week that I barely see the inside of my home unless it is to sleep. So to all of you out there working your asses off, getting to the gym, keeping up with your social life, and running errands to keep your shit together….you deserve this. This is YOUR time. You do whatever you want to and don’t make yourself feel bad about it. You’ve got another Sunday to take charge of next week if you want.

How fun is it to nearly kill yourself with stress because you were trying to get something done that

A. Didn’t even NEED to be done  or  B. Could have waited until next weekend?

Consolidate your doings and give yourself an entire day to sit back and enjoy the fruits of your labor. You decorated your bedroom a certain way to feel comfortable in it or that reading nook so you could utilize it. Now go for it! You can thank me later 🙂

Trying to find a balance

Do you remember everyone telling you to enjoy your years in high school because they would be the best years of your life? Yeah right. You sat there wondering how hours of school, homework, and restrictions from your parents could quite possibly be the best years of your life, but SHIT, they were right. No bills to pay, no job to attend, no unexpected expenses from your home or car, and you could eat whatever the hell you wanted without worrying that those $150 dollar AG skinny jeans would fit the next day.

Life these days in my late twenties relates way too much to the meme here. Who doesn’t want a balanced life? Great paying job, close to your family, amazing friends, in shape physique….the list seriously goes on and on and we are judged when we don’t plaster a smile on our faces 24/7 while trying to keep it all together.

I created this blog to share my struggles with my own balancing act in hopes that it might help someone feel like they aren’t alone. I also needed a place to vent, so I hope you enjoy reading my future posts. My goal is to find some humor in the daily struggles we face as adults, because lets face it, how the hell would we get through them any other way?

Happy Saturday!